After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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