good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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