kristin has been a bad kristin
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
