For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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