Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The best revenge is premature balding
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
