I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
