The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
