Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

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  (248): god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time http://tfl.nu/psyk
  Replies (10) Good night (1370) Bad night (756)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"

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  (503): I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina" http://tfl.nu/3nun
  Replies (40) Good night (891) Bad night (5049)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.

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  (509): I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120. http://tfl.nu/oklb
  Replies (19) Good night (1325) Bad night (5095)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?

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  (651): how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting? http://tfl.nu/ew93
  Replies (29) Good night (5175) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.

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  (781): He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie. http://tfl.nu/a1e2
  Replies (12) Good night (4012) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?

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  (301): why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/k3ff
  Replies (18) Good night (4283) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting

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  (716): Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting http://tfl.nu/p9om
  Replies (9) Good night (2910) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives

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  (770): Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives http://tfl.nu/9ndz
  Replies (6) Good night (2371) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  The beers last night were like the tears from god

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  (561): The beers last night were like the tears from god http://tfl.nu/bni8
  Replies (5) Good night (1964) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.

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  (503): He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive. http://tfl.nu/kzk0
  Replies (10) Good night (685) Bad night (2433)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  The chlamydia really affected his face.

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  (907): The chlamydia really affected his face. http://tfl.nu/9z0n
  Replies (6) Good night (501) Bad night (2235)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?

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  (563): Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him? http://tfl.nu/taqh
  Replies (5) Good night (1689) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.

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  (920): He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast. http://tfl.nu/jvhf
  Replies (5) Good night (760) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  It's like earning obesity badges

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  (303): I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle (1-303): It's like earning obesity badges http://tfl.nu/mpfd
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!

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  (417): Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president! http://tfl.nu/9jdw
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (114)

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