Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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  (612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school. http://tfl.nu/cnqq
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed

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  (617): Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed http://tfl.nu/d8dr
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  (916): View more from California

  Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

  (760): View more from California

  You are my hero

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  (916): Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI? (760): You are my hero http://tfl.nu/9mtt
  Replies (36) Good night (7103) Bad night (1011)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it

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  (970): If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it http://tfl.nu/jxp6
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.

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  (248): Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there. http://tfl.nu/llil
  Replies (55) Good night (1219) Bad night (3378) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.

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  (270): The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home. http://tfl.nu/2p12
  Replies (59) Good night (3786) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yeah, but four times?

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  (702): Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it. (1-702): Yeah, but four times? http://tfl.nu/x8r7
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2298) Bad night (9929) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You insisted on take shots off of plates.

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  (417): You insisted on take shots off of plates. http://tfl.nu/pa2s
  Replies (5) Good night (1668) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me

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  (805): bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me http://tfl.nu/f5bj
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.

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  (402): I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out. http://tfl.nu/gdzx
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  (805): View more from California

  There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it

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  (805): There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it http://tfl.nu/82im
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.

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  (610): My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help. http://tfl.nu/86v6
  Replies (8) Good night (1336) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (898): View more from

  Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.

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  (898): Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous. http://tfl.nu/8yxh
  Replies (2) Good night (483) Bad night (178)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.

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  (720): Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag. (303): This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two. http://tfl.nu/02n3
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (134)

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