How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You made out with two different species that night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
