I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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