I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.