my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.