Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.

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(310): Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces. http://tfl.nu/d897

Replies (12) Good night (4526) Bad night (671)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.

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(647): Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer. http://tfl.nu/62rw

Replies (14) Good night (3345) Bad night (1067)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her

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(612): I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her http://tfl.nu/lmu7

Replies (10) Good night (3658) Bad night (1242)
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(563): View more from Iowa

She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.

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(563): She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me. http://tfl.nu/so2a

Replies (35) Good night (7689) Bad night (1516)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??

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(304): Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away?? http://tfl.nu/5x5i

Replies (4) Good night (1603) Bad night (1106)
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(912): View more from Georgia

There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.

(912): View more from Georgia

Do you need my fax number or something?

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(912): There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow. (912): Do you need my fax number or something? http://tfl.nu/ynqo

Replies (18) Good night (1510) Bad night (1155)
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(941): View more from Florida

My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.

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(941): My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order. http://tfl.nu/gp8x

Replies (7) Good night (520) Bad night (1464)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.

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(847): Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations. http://tfl.nu/g9dw

Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (336)
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(315): View more from New York

she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot

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(315): she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot http://tfl.nu/7zmw

Replies (7) Good night (2233) Bad night (463)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class

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(814): I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class http://tfl.nu/2lhx

Replies (7) Good night (980) Bad night (328)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab

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(775): I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab http://tfl.nu/nlzo

Replies (2) Good night (1175) Bad night (284)
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(352): View more from Florida

We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.

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(352): We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home. http://tfl.nu/59j5

Replies (7) Good night (706) Bad night (592)
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(707): View more from California

I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha

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(707): I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha http://tfl.nu/s6o5

Replies (2) Good night (452) Bad night (239)
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(619): View more from California

So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...

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(619): So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush... http://tfl.nu/5wkj

Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (465)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule

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(502): How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule http://tfl.nu/c1c6

Replies (15) Good night (626) Bad night (298)

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