call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sext me about skeletons
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize