I can tuck mytits in my pants
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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