so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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