how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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