Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
