TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
