Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
