Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
