Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
