Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
