tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
