party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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