she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Vodka?
Forever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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