Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is the high leading the old right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
