things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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