I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
