Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
