Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
