My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
