This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
