OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
