Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
