Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
