if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
