i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
