One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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