I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
