dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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