I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
