I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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