is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
