And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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