It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
