I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
