you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
