My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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