I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
