nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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