two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
