I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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