id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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