Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
