so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
