Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
