Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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