return my video game
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just pee around me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
