you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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