I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
