my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
