OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
