I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you so shy because you have an std?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
