I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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