Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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