Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
