She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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