I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
