Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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