You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
