Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
