Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
