Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
