I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
