just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
