my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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