Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
