Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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