To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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