So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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