i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
