The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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