You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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