dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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