Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
