I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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