I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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