It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
