Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
4 words: hood of his car
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
