take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
