No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've blown a few things in my day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
